Listen: Valentines Day can be really hard.
It marks the end of cuffing season. You were either successful or you weren’t. This is that time when you could very well be taking the big “what are we?” Question head on, dropping an I love you, or maybe popping the question.
Last year on Valentine's Day, I had been seeing a guy for about two months. This guy was awesome. He had been on the show The Bachelorette (yep, that one), so we'll call him Bachelor Bob (this is not his real name). We both got along with (and had a blast with) each others friends. We had met each others families. We spent basically every weekend together. I was even bringing him as my date to a big charity ball about two weeks after Valentine's Day. I would say that Bachelor Bob and I were at the "what are we" stage.
Now, I'm not super crazy about Valentine's Day, but I have always thought that it was a nice time to make people feel good (friends and more-than-friends alike). So for me, I wasn't expecting any sort of big thing from Bachelor Bob, but I guess I was expecting something.
Now, before I get into more of this, I will say in Bob's defense, he had lost a loved one about two weeks prior to V-Day and his mind was definitely in a million places (but, mind you, I was absolutely understanding of this).
So the big day rolls around and I think I am FOR SURE going to get a 'Good Morning' text. Not BB's normal style, but it was Valentine's Day. Nothing. Maybe a text at lunch when he got a break? Nothing. Well maybe he was just not texting because I was about to come home to flowers?? LOL OKAY HK, RELAX.
After I posted a few meme's about being single and bitter on my instagram story (as most single, bitter people do), I FINALLY heard from The Bachelor. He left me a five minute (very sweet) voicemail. And yes, while the voicemail was super nice, it also came at 7pm.
Long story short: Don't be like Bachelor Bob on Valentine's Day.**
**Bob (lol) if you're reading this, you're awesome & such a good sport.
So what SHOULD you do for Valentine's Day?
I've broken it down for you based on where y'all are at in your relationship, and also budget.
"We’re kind of talking, but I want to surprise her..."
K so first things first: don’t be creepy. This is not the time for you to profess your love to the chick.
Suggest a chill date. Tell her to put on her comfiest yoga pants, and pick out a movie of her choice and that you will be over and will “handle the rest.” Grab a pizza and wine or even just a whole bunch of snacks (bitches love snacks) and beer. If you want to cheese it up throw a rose in there but I wouldn’t do more than that.
Obviously chicks love surprises. You don’t have to spend $70 on flower delivery on this girl when they’re only going to die anyway. (Sorry ladies, in my opinion, flowers should be supplemental only to another gift. While flowers are a really beautiful gesture, Guys, if you only have $70 to spend for vday I’d rather it be spent on something we can do together or I can keep forever). So apply the same tactic as above but start her day out right: send her a good morning text or give her a call but make sure it’s IN THE MORNING (ahem, Bachelor Boy). Tell her you’re sorry you can’t spend vday with her but you have a little surprise for her that night. Know her address already? Cool. If not, also cool.
Here’s the move to make her night special:
Give her the same yoga pants and movie line as above. Then you are going to do one of three things: 1. Send a pizza (or her fave take out food) to her place. 2. If you don’t know her address, buy an e-giftcard to a delivery place (or even like uber eats, post mates, Grubhub, etc), screenshot it, and text it to her. 3. Send her a “🍕 + 🍷 + 🎥” Venmo. Tell her to enjoy herself and you’ll have a FaceTime date when she’s done.
You will have succeeded in making her Valentine’s Day special and memorable without creeping her out.
"We're a few months into dating but we haven't tossed in the L-Word yet..."
Ok so y’all just started “dating.”
Yes, you could make it FBO or y’all have pics on insta together but you haven’t thrown around an I love you yet.
You need let her know you care about her and that she is special to you. But let’s be real, this is a new thing and you aren’t necessarily trying to break the bank on a gift (I mean or maybe you are, you baller).
THERE'S A SOLID FORMULA THAT WILL WORK HERE:
Gift + Flowers + Dinner
Listen up fellas: You’re about to thank me. When you need “something to get her” or maybe you just want to surprise her out of the blue there are some awesome retailers that are ever-present in girl culture that are reasonably priced, but also nice. She won’t be expecting you to really know what these things are so she’ll be pleasantly surprised and you won’t have had to spend a ton of money (you’re welcome)
Learn this name, boys. Kendra Scott is a jewelry company based in Austin, TX. They specialize in affordable, stylish pieces that can fit any style. You can grab you girl something bold, or something more simple that she could rock everyday (in my opinion, everyday is the way to go). I also love that they have customizable options at their Color Bar. Meaning you can pick your metal type, setting, stone shape & color-- I love the idea of creating a piece inspired by her favorite sports team (think like a black druzy stone & black setting so she could wear it to a Steelers game, or still out on the town!) All pieces are around $55-$150 on average.
This stylish and affordable sunglasses brand is a favorite in girl world. She will be blown away that you even know what this company is. While there are about a million styles to choose from on the Quay website, my personal favorite are the Desi Perkins High Key or Sahara Aviators. They flatter just about everyones face, and come in a huge range of colors. At just $65 per pair, you can't beat them.
Personally, these are my favorite types of gifts to give & get most of the time, especially if you aren't totally sure of what the person wants. You could grab tickets for the two of you to go see a concert that's coming up, or snag tickets to your favorite sporting event. That way you get a date (and a little something for you to enjoy) as well.
You can also get your honey a solo-experience as well. Think manicures, pedicures, messages, facials, etc. Or, of course, pamper yourself as well. A great option for girls is a gift card to the DryBar, if you have one locally. Make sure you add a little more to the card after the service so she can grab her favorite product.
Either wow her and cook a nice dinner (steaks, lobster, etc) or take her out! Just don’t do take out if that’s a normal thing for y’all.
Like I said earlier, flowers are supplemental to a gift in my eyes. Personally I think they are so sweet but I think they should really only be sent or given when it’s in addition to something else. Why? Bc they die. She won’t have that keep sake from you. Even if it’s not a sentimental gift, she’ll be putting on her new sunnies everyday thinking of how sweet that was. So get her a nice arrangement if it’s in your budget, or just hit up a grocery store for a little bouquet or something inexpensive, even a single rose would be sweet. You definitely should be getting her something valentine’s related that’s cheesy AF in place of flowers (card, balloons candy, etc— to make it festive). Just make sure you put a little effort in so that it’s special for her. Don’t just throw her gift at her and take her to Outback Steakhouse and expect a BJ at the end of the night. Girls are thoughtful. So try making it a little extra if you like the girl. It’s always ok to enlist the help of her friends.
I love you's have been thrown...
Ok, so regardless of the length of the relationship, if an 'I LOVE YOU' has been dropped (and y'all having been dating for so long that you hate each other) then you need to throw the sentimental card in to V-Day. It doesn't need to be some huge gesture or extravagant gift. The same Gift + Flowers + Dinner will work just fine here, but you do need to step it up and put some thought into it.
Personalization is KEY when it comes to the gift. This will allow you to bring the overall cost of the gift down, because you put some thought into it-- think of it like the Unicorn Scale for chicks: the hotter they are, the more crazy they can get away with. So the more personalized it is to her, the less money you have to spend. Please note that if you are making a good amount of money, you should probably opt on the slightly higher end, but if this girl isn't a garbage human being then how much you spend shouldn't matter anyway.
Now, while personalized luggage is lovely, unless you plan to be flying us to Maui (great idea!) please refrain from buying something like that. It's a sweet idea, but come on now... this is Valentine's Day. The girl wants jewelry, flowers, wine and chocolate, not a monogrammed sweater. No worries, I have hand selected personalized jewelry pieces that range from budget-friendly to bank-rolling.
One big thing to remember about this type of jewelry, is that chicks are picky about it so PAY ATTENTION to her. Some girls only wear silver, some only wear gold. I only wear gold (it’s more on trend) and won’t wear silver, so someone giving me silver jewelry would be a big red flag that they don’t pay attention and probably didn’t put much thought in.
ALSO: if you go rouge on me here and don’t get her one of these pieces, DO NOT buy her something that may be advertised in a newspaper circular. This means avoid any and all jewelry that looks like a 1990’s necklace from Kay Jewelers. And dear lord, please no hearts.
1. Hemera London Personalized Bar Necklace | $45
Love the simple & sleek design of this necklace. It's simple enough to be worn everyday which is exactly the point of anything personalized. This piece has the ability to add more than one name as well so you can include your own name with hers, or your children, dog, etc.
You can use code 'HEATHER20' for 20% off of your purchase from Hemera.
2. The SisKiss Spaced Necklace
This is definitely one of my favorites on this list. I love the spaced lettering. You can add you own name to it, or her name/nickname, or even something fun that is "so her," like "taco's" or "vodka." It will show that you know her well enough to be playful with it.
3. Jane Basch Monogram Nameplate | $148
This is the perfect piece for someone with more classic or traditional tastes. It's the type piece that wont ever really go out of style, but it's modern enough to keep up with the current trends.
4. ByChari Spaced Letter Necklace
This is another favorite of mine. This is a slightly more delicate & refined version of the other spaced letter necklace. It's perfect for layering or to be worn on it's own everyday.
With the pricing of this option, I would definitely opt to keep it more sentimental than fun, and use her name or your name.
5. Bony Levy Initial Necklace | $498
Oh, hey big spender! Got a brother? JK (kind of).
But good for you, your girl deserves this. For something at this price, I recommend either using her first initial (if you aren't married), a common initial (like if I was dating someone named Ken and my last name is Kirk) so that it's multipurpose or if you're married, using your own first or last initial.
**Remember with anything personal, you do run the risk of not having it be there in time. If it's not going to make it, THAT'S OKAY. Print out a picture of it and give her the pic inside of a cute card with flowers and take her to dinner. She'll have her custom jewelry in a week and all will be good.**
PLEASE NOTE: IF YOU HAVE BEEN DATING SOMEONE FOR LIKE FOREVER, IT'S TIME TO BUY A DAMN RING. SHE DOES NOT WANT FLOWERS & A NECKLACE.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!